


The Detective and The Rogue

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's unclear if things happened in the best possible way, or if everything has gone horribly amiss since the beginning. Or: Shit, let's be superheroes!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Detective and The Rogue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lalonde (vantas)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vantas/gifts).



It's unclear if things happened in the best possible way, or if everything has gone horribly amiss since the beginning.

Of course Roxy is the only student who spends enough time in the school's chemistry labs and who is intelligent enough that, when things started going wrong... well, they didn't go quite as wrong as they could have. (Though that was not enough to prevent everything from going rather wobbly in the first place, Jane reminds her on occasion, to which Roxy invariably replies that getting super cool super powers is the sort of awesome that can only be described as way incredibly f'in awesome!!! c'mon janey, show some proper gratittytude y dontcha.)

It is perhaps unfortunate that it was Jane who ended up altered in such a way that she could withstand heavy blows without suffering injury, while it is Roxy with the greater propensity to throw herself headfirst into a fight, with fists, fearlessness, and on a couple of notable occasions, a baseball bat. Jane begs her to stick to ranged weapons, a dutiful plea of friendship and love, but Roxy maintains that that would be horribly unfair in a fight, that most of her battle rifles would roast most humans (and trolls, and many carapacians) alive, for they are just that ridonkulously overpowered and, no, she will not make them lamer to suit Jane's stodgy sensibilities. To be fair, Jane has to admit that Roxy does slip through battle like a (self-described) sexxay invisi-ninja. It may also be to their detriment that it is Roxy who gained the ability to pass unseen at will, for Jane can think of a great many more uses for that sort of discretion. She worries that when Roxy is sneaking around on her own to gather clues she may miss something, a minor detail that will seem insignificant at first glance, but which later will turn out to be the lynchpin upon which the entire case rests. Her worries, so far, have proven to be fruitless.

There was no question at all as to whether or not they should use their new (incredibly f'in awesome!!!) powers to solve crimes and catch the bad guys (and beat those who refused to be go quietly liberally with baseball bats). There was no gumshoe alive as gutsy, nor as gumptious, as Jane, and nobody could match Roxy for enthusiasm. A couple of sassay and intelignent ladies (Roxy's words) like themselves could wipe the floor with any scummy bad guys they happened across. They could be a real force for good in the world. They could make up secret identities and wear kickass costumes! With capes and everythign!!! Jane had politely declined the cape in favor of a number of trenchcoats and false mustaches she could swap out at will. She is an unrivaled master of disguise, although all of her disguises involve mustaches.

Jane is content to be branded as The Detective. It's simple, punchy, and descriptive. Roxy... well, Roxy can never quite work out what her preferred title. She's run around calling herself the Rad Rogue, the Raucous Rogue, the Rogue Rioter... It's generally agreed she's the roguiest superhero to ever rogue, although the rest varies. There was a brief stint during which she wanted to be called the Rouge Rogue, which took Jane a full five minutes to parse over pesterchum (rouge roughe* rogue rogeu* rogue rouge* fuccckk it). She used to give the reporters at the student newspaper a splitting headache before they decided to just disregard her wishes entirely. She never did end up in an article described as the Sexxay Invisi-Ninja, much to her endless dismay.

They balance each other well and maybe, Jane thinks, that's better than playing to nothing but their individual strengths. Jane keeps Roxy grounded (well, she tries, in any case), and Roxy keeps Jane from turning into a darkly brooding character straight out of Jake's comic book collection. Besides that, Roxy's a fast learner at the art and science of deduction, and her often-strange perspective often adds the necessary insight Jane needs to solve the case. She's also proven to be a great tutor at hand-to-hand combat, and Jane has to admit that punching things sometimes is stress-relieving in a very good way.

In any case, she's glad they're friends. She couldn't ask for a better bestie.

\---

Being a sexy superhero seems like an excellent idea on the surface, but it creates all sorts of social problems that people just don't realize until they've tried living the life themselves! Like, what happens when you have your eye on this super hottie, and then he goes and falls for your alter-ego, which is exactly what's happened with Janey! Major problems ahoy!! Dating a superhero is hard and stupid, so of course Jake is exactly the sort of dorkass who's gonna try it. Nobody can blame the guy for getting the hots for Detective Janey. She's way smart and super hot and also packs a punch like nobody's business -- in short, pure English kryptonite. But it leads to Janey fretting and second-guessing everything, and Jake shoving his foot farther and farther down his throat every fuckin time he talks to her, and if Roxy can't get the two of them hooked up soon then Dirk's gonna swoop in and steal him away any day now, she just knows it. She can feel it in her bones. And as much as Roxy would like to solve everyone's social problems for them she is just one girl and she cannot devote her full attention to saving the world one mook at a time and also everyone's stupid high school drama.

Speaking of Dirk, that guy's much too clever for his own good, and she's p. sure he's onto them like velcro. All his passive-aggressive bullshit like the nerve that sexy rogue has to call herself a ninja when Dirk is clearly the only person anime enough to be a ninja in this town. It'd be bad enough just to have an annoying cousin teasing her constantly about hey look I'm totally onto your secret identity, but worse is having an annoying cousin with a terrible penchant for playing the damsel in distress. Like, he'd throw himself on his own sword if he thought it'd get Jake to notice him, and as long as his bullshit seduction machinations are aimed firmly in that direction... well that's still a problem because Roxy is going to get Jake and Jane hooked up come hell or high water because they would be way super cute together, but at least it keeps him out of the line of fire when she and Janey are at work. Soon as the two of them gain enough notoriety to get a nemesis or something cool like that you just know that he's gonna come storming in and get himself captured and tied up or something because wouldn't that be ironic??? And Roxy just knows that if she rescues him he'll have the gall to be put out that she didn't also bring Jake along or something stupid like that. God! She loves her friends to death and all but they can be such clueless dipshits approximately 100 percent of the time.

Janey is probably the least clueless least dipshitty of them all. She's real-world smart and doesn't get taken easily... which means she usually doesn't waste all her time chasing after red herrings, but she also doesn't believe Roxy when she says Jake is totally into her no really go for it girl, and when the solution to a case is perfectly ridiculous she spends ages waffling about it before she'll admit that, no, really, it actually was Gamzee behind the cafeteria with the magical vials of troll blood.

She wraps her mind around things in a way that Roxy can't possibly hope to follow, though, and she's really lucky to have her on-board with the whole superhero schtick! Like seriously what better bonding activity for a couple of besties than to run around fighting crime together? They totally kick ass at it, too. Terezi wishes she were as deductive as Roxy's main girl Janey over here. Roxy herself, meanwhile, is the sneakiest sonuvabitch this side of the Atlantic. Nobody can touch her, or even see her, unless she wants them to. And when they do, they are awestruck by how hot her body is, wonk wonk.

Yep, she and Janey make quite the unstoppable team. She couldn't wish for a better partner in solving crime.

**Author's Note:**

> I knew I was grabbing this as soon as it hit the pinch hit list because, wow, what a great prompt, it's like it was written just for me to write. You could hardly fit more of my favorite things into a cotton candy high school superhero AU if you tried. You, recipient, have excellent taste in everything. <3 I started outlining the fic I wanted to write and it exploded into something way too ambitious to complete in the couple days I had, so I wrote this instead and I reeeeally hope you like it, even if it's not particularly, uh, plotty.
> 
> I haaate making promises like this because I tend to fall through on longer fic, but since I do still have that half-finished monster outline lying around, give me a poke after reveals and I'll see what I can do for a treat. :)


End file.
